we can't wait to meet you.

4 weeks left till the due date and I am getting anxious. Monday night (dec 1st) I had my first real contractions. 4 of them in fact. it was crazy... i felt AWFUL but at the same time, more excited than ever. Maybe this was it! But, it wasn't. And, its probably a good thing- I know the closer we get to the due date, the better it will be for Daphne. Plus, Nic and I have got just 7 school days left before the end of the fall semester, which we would both love to finish! Its been difficult going to school the last few weeks- but I am so glad I have something to do instead of staying home fretting about going into labor. I feel like my emotions are being pulled into a 1000 different directions lately. I am nervous. VERY NERVOUS- about the birth itself. I try not to think about complications with Daphne and I but its hard to avoid. I try to tell myself that almost 50% of the population has gone through this (or will, most likely) and I can too. But, that doesn't really easy the anxiety much. I am happy and blessed to have a mom, mother in law and a "wise older sister" (she called herself that yesterday) to help ease my concerns. between the three of them they have given birth 16 times to 17 babies so it does help to get their advice. Still, I can't help but feel that everyone's experiences are different and we really have no idea what we are getting into. Its hard for me to imagine having a baby in our home. I walk past her room at least 10 times everyday, looking into the crib and trying to imagine what it will be like when a baby occupies it. OUR baby. It almost seems unreal. I am awful about journal keeping, even as missionary I only wrote letters to Nic and counted that as my journal, but i want to keep a better record for our kids. I give my mom a hard time about my lack of baby book (i am the last of 6 kids) but i think it has motivated me to a better record keeper for ALL of my kids, not just the first couple. In that spirit, I have been thinking about the last few weeks at the Pedersen household before I was born. Were they excited? Were they placing bets about when Mom would deliver? Was there anxiety or nervousness or was my mom a pro at that point? Well, I want Daphne to know exactly how I am feeling right before she enters our family...

Daphne. I really can't wait to meet you. I have been feeling you move inside of me for the past 5 months and I feel like I know you. I do know you, you are our first daughter. our first child. everytime i feel you kick or move, i say in my head "i love you too" it is crazy to think how much I can love you without ever seeing or touching you. I just know you are going to be awesome. I love arranging your clothes and thinking about you in them. In my mind, you have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, a lot like me I guess. But, you are a lot like your dad too- slender build, a great smile and like both of us, you're short :) We'll see how true my visions of you are once you grow up a bit. It's hard for me to imagine all that will change when you finally arrive. Its hard to imagine what things will stay the same. I've never experienced anything like this before... it is nerve racking, but the most exciting thing that has happened in our lives at the same time. I want you to know, and never forget, that we wanted a baby. We wanted our lives to be changed and altered by you. Before we got married, we thought we didn't want to have kids for 5 years. I even made a bet with your Aunt Danielle and paid her $50 when I got pregnant :) But, something inside of me changed. I didn't have the same selfish desires. I wanted a baby to share in our happy family. I wanted you. So, 9 months after we got married we decided to have a baby and quickly after our decision, I was pregnant. I meant to write down my feelings on the day I found out I was pregnant with you- but i didn't. But, it felt pretty much the same as the feelings I am having now, as we come closer to your arrival- apprehensive, excited, nervous and overjoyed. We feel so blessed to have gotten pregnant fast and to have had a healthy pregnancy. It hasn't always been easy being pregnant, but at the same time it feels so good knowing I am doing something beyond myself- we are partnering with Heavenly Father to create a body for your Spirit to dwell in. Now, we are just anxiously awaiting your birth. To see you, hold you and smell your good newborn smell. I am so thrilled to have you in our family. Love, Mom.

(wow... that feels weird to write :)